How to Explain Resilience to a Young Person: A Step-by-Step Guide

As pastoral staff and practitioners who work with young people, you're constantly having conversations about wellbeing. But when a student is struggling, how do you explain a concept like resilience in a way that truly connects with them? It's more than just telling them to "be strong" or "bounce back." It’s about equipping them with a set of life skills to navigate adversity, positively adapt to pressure, and recover from challenges.

Explaining resilience effectively can empower students to take ownership of their mental health. It helps them understand that while everyone faces difficulties, what truly matters is how we handle them. This guide provides a step-by-step approach to having this crucial conversation.

Why is it Important to Develop Resilience?

Before diving into the "how," it's vital to be clear on the "why." Resilience is a fundamental protective factor for mental health. For children and young people, developing these skills leads to significant positive outcomes that you see reflected across the school community.

Resilient students are more likely to:

• Manage Stress Effectively: They have the tools to cope with academic and social pressures without feeling overwhelmed.
• Improve Academic Performance: The ability to bounce back from a poor grade or a difficult lesson prevents them from becoming disengaged, leading to better attendance and attainment.
• Build Healthier Relationships: Resilience fosters better communication and problem-solving skills, which are essential for navigating friendships and conflicts.
• Develop a Positive Outlook: It helps young people see challenges as temporary and manageable, rather than permanent roadblocks. This growth mindset is crucial for lifelong learning and wellbeing.

When students are resilient, they are not just surviving school; they are equipped to thrive in it.

A Step-by-Step Guide to Explaining Resilience

Having a structured conversation can make this complex topic feel more accessible. Remember, one person's experience of adversity looks very different from another's, so it’s essential to make the conversation personal and non-judgmental.

Step 1: Start with a Simple Definition

Begin by defining resilience in simple, relatable terms. Avoid jargon and focus on the core idea of inner strength and adaptability.

What to say: "Resilience is like a set of life skills that helps you deal with tough situations. It's about being able to adapt, learn, and grow when things get difficult, and then recover from those challenges."

Step 2: Use Relatable Examples

Abstract concepts are easier to grasp with concrete examples. Ask the young person to reflect on a time they've already shown resilience, even if they didn't call it that.

What to do: "Think about a time you overcame something tricky. Maybe it was learning to ride a bike, studying hard for a test you were worried about, or even making a new friend. What thoughts did you have that helped you? What actions did you take to reach your goal?"

This helps them see that resilience isn't a new, impossible trait but something they already possess and can strengthen.

Step 3: Clarify What Resilience is NOT

Many young people mistake resilience for bottling up emotions or pretending everything is fine or that their problems are not important or a burdan. It’s crucial to bust this myth.

What to say: "Being resilient doesn't mean you have to avoid problems or put on a brave face. Everyone faces challenges, and it's okay to feel sad, angry, or frustrated. What matters is having the skills within you to work through those feelings and find a way forward."

Step 4: Highlight Healthy Coping Mechanisms

Once they understand the concept, you can introduce practical strategies. This moves the conversation from theory into actionable steps.

What to suggest: "When you feel stressed, what helps you cope? We can all learn new ways to handle things. Some people find taking deep breaths helps calm them down. Others find talking to a trusted friend or teacher useful. Even just taking a break to do a hobby you enjoy can make a big difference."

Discussing support networks is key here. Remind them that reaching out for help is a sign of strength, not weakness.

Step 5: Use Coaching Questions to Foster Buy-in

For a young person to truly engage with building resilience, they need to see what's in it for them. Asking open coaching questions helps them connect the concept to their own life.

What to ask:

• "How could being more resilient help you?"
• "Can you think of a time when you overcame a challenge? What did you do that worked well?"
• "What strategies have you used before to deal with difficult situations?"
• "How do you usually feel after working through a tough problem or situation?"
• "What strengths do you think you have that could help you build more resilience?"
• "Who in your life inspires you with their resilience, and why?"
• "How would developing resilience make a difference in your daily life or future goals?"
• "What small steps could you take today to start building more resilience?"
• "If you faced the same challenge again, what would you do differently?"
• "What support or resources could help you feel more confident in tough situations?"
• "How can you remind yourself of your progress when things feel overwhelming?"

These questions shift the dynamic. Instead of you telling young people why resilience matters, they start to discover the benefits for themselves. This intrinsic motivation is far more powerful and prevents them from seeing resilience as just another thing they might fail at.

The Best Way to Build Resilience: Coaching

Having a single conversation is a great start, but building lasting resilience requires ongoing, personalised support. This is where coaching excels.

Coaching is an evidence-based intervention that empowers a young person to find their own solutions. A trained coach doesn't give advice; they ask powerful questions and use proven techniques to help a student develop self-awareness, problem-solving skills, and emotional regulation. This process builds their internal capacity and confidence, making them more independent and capable of handling future challenges.

For pastoral staff, learning to use coaching skills in your work is a game-changer. It provides a structured, proactive way to support a wide range of students, preventing issues from escalating and reducing the demand on crisis-intervention services.

Take the Next Step in Your Professional Development

If you want to support young people to become more resilient, learning to coach is one of the most effective skills you can add to your toolkit.

Find out more by signing up for our free Introduction to Coaching Young People course. This mini-course will give you a taste of how coaching works and the impact it can have.

For those ready to make a deeper commitment and gain a formal qualification, our accredited Worth-it Coach Training course provides the in-depth knowledge and practical skills you need. Apply to join and learn how to embed this transformative approach in your work with young people.